After laying in my bed for long enough, staring at my stained ceiling and big light. I reveled in the idea of being so bored and obsessed with myself that it could be fun create a public domain where I can live in my own corner of the internet, sharing and rambling my thoughts and interests. Sometimes I do write really good shit. I guess a first entry is always best for an introduction. So if you find yourself here at any point wondering “who the fuck is she? Who in the hell does this girl think she is?” Here’s an answer for you,
Name is Isabella, but i go mostly by Bell. Old friends know me as Wiz, too. I like the different variations the nickname “Bell” brings. Doorbell, Bell Pepper, Bells. It’s cute, and fitting to me! Anyways, I guess I’d describe myself as spunky, sweet, spontaneous, and stupid. I work a restaurant job and I absolutely dread the idea of work but honestly, I am extroverted as hell and love meeting new people constantly so I often have lots of fun at my work. I am bored nine times out of ten with just about anything. I don’t have many hobbies but the ones I do have include playing soccer occasionally, listening to music, smoking weed, drinking (both responsibly and irresponsibly), and laughing. I like to laugh a lot.
Currently I find myself with more time on my hands than ever before, most scoff and tell me to enjoy it before adulthood catches up to me, and the way it’s described has me thinking once I turn 30, the world will turn gray and everyone will only speak in office jargon. Either way, I never express disdain nor joy when acknowledging the fact that I’m a young woman still trying to navigate the rest of her life, so I don’t understand why people treat it like im complaining. The only problem I find myself running into over and over again is that I cannot deal with loneliness, and that’s a whole issue on its own. I work, see friends, lay in bed, sleep, watch tv or listen to music, write some, and that’s about it. Obviously not in that order. Honestly, each of those are interchangeable if you’re wondering what the order would be. If I were to be totally transparent I guess I’d mention that when I’m laying in my bed, staring at my ceiling and not thinking of myself, I’m usually think of my ex boyfriend who I am so grossly obsessed with even though I know our relationship is over and for good enough reason. i’ll dive into that at a later date im sure, or hopefully I get over it soon enough so I never have to subject any reader to those embarrassing thoughts. Since the breakup though, I’ve written and written all over the place, in my notes app, in my journal, on random notepads at work, and that’s all lead me to here so it’s not all bad. I used to doodle a lot when I was in high school and so mind numbingly bored all I could think to do was scribble on paper, but then I smoked so much weed and drink a lot and also sometimes dabble in drugs, I think I probably fried that artistic side of my brain. sometimes I think about embarking on a sober lifestyle but at the same time, im in my early 20s and by the looks of the world outside, I feel almost entitled to be a piece of shit degenerate for a little bit just to get through these bleak times. And you know what? I fucking love it. I try not to live with regrets so while yes, I would give anything to skip my hangover mornings… there’s no way id ever go back and do things differently. Well, maybe there’s a handful of nights I’d like to do differently, but that’s part of life too.
Lately, I’ve been getting off work exhausted and with no plans waiting up for me so I typically go down to a casino bar and enjoy a gin and tonic (my favorite drink right now) and people watch or I sometimes am fortunate enough to be around older drunken men that just finished work at a convention or some corporate event. They’re usually a little tipsy or buzzed enough to strike up conversation with a young lady that probably reminds them of their own daughter or niece, and they always gasp and giggle when I’m able to maintain conversations with middle aged people about practically anything. From politics, to society, to music, to sports, you name it, I know just enough. And its so fun, it enables me to live in the illusion I’ve created in my brain where I am just so mature, smart, and pretty enough that these boring dudes WANT to spend hours just letting me ramble. Ive never gone home with any of them though, most are married and I just don’t go down those paths. Plus im still a young lady so I am wary and cautious, because men are still men. It’s all fun in moderation though. I love talking to drunk older women too but most of the time they’re pissed off at their husbands and then they’re breathing their alcohol breath in my face telling me to never get married. Or they call me a cutie pie, which I enjoy more than any other compliment I’ve ever received.
I’m going clubbing with my friends tonight. Gotta get ready.. This is cool for now right?